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Humor Quotes 2

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 Anudder brilyant mind diztroyd by tha publik edukashun sistum.
 
I used to be schitzophrenic, but we're ok now.
 
You can never have too much sugar.
 
I have more caffiene in me then blood cells.
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
 
God put me on earth to accomplish a number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will never die.
 
Why do they kill people who kill people to show that killing is wrong?
 
Does it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?
 
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet that it's hard to pronounce.
 
I am free of prejudices, I hate everyone equally.
 
If I am not back in 5 minutes, wait longer.
 
God made coke, God made pepsi, God made me, and damn I'm sexy.
 
God made the land, God made the sea, God needed a princess, so He made me.
 
I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't talk to me.
 
I am independent and abusive, stay outta my way.
 
I will not chase boys
I will not chase boys
I will not chase boys
Unless they provoke me
 
It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
 
No matter what you say or how much the evidence points otherwise or how much you argue, the fact will still remain that I am right.
 
I'm normal, it's everyone else that is weird.
 
Do you ever wonder why you wonder and then wonder why you wondered why you were wondering?          (did you follow that?)
 
I came. I tried. I lost. Dammit. I came again. I cheated. I won.
 
I am not hard of hearing. I am ignoring you.
 
I am not in the habit of forgetting faces, but in your case, I will make and exception.
 
Think....it may be a new experience
 
Use your head....it's the little things that count.
 
Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it.
 
Be reasonable, do it my way.
 
A clean room is a sign of a wasted life.
 
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
 
Your lips keep moving but all I hear is 'blah blah blah'
 
You're only bad if you get caught...so that makes me a good girl....right?
 
My fear is that there is no such things as PMS and this is my real personality.
 
I live in my own world, but it's okay, they know me here.
 
I smell the smelly smell of something smelly.   -SpongeBob SquarePants
 
Veni. Vidi. Visa.  -> I came. I saw. I did some shopping.
 
In the beginning the universe was created. This made alot of people mad and is generally considered a bad move.
 
To Do is to Be    - Decartes
To Be is to Do    - Voltaire
Do Be Do Be Do  - Sinatra
 
We never grow up. We only learn how to act in public.
 
Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill many and you are a conqueror. Kill 'em all and you are a god.
 
This life, don't worry, it will kill you.
 
Screw Lucky Charms. I am magically delicious.
 
Do I fucking LOOK like a people person to you? 
 
Feel free to stare, point, whisper, and ask questions.
 
I am a freak. Touch me.
 
Stop following me. I don't know where I am going.
 
The only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it.
 
We are not lost; we are locationally challenged.
 
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
 
That's a lot more mature than I think I care to be.   -Calvin and Hobbes
 
Everyone I know needs a complete personality overhaul.
 
If you are going to get in trouble for hitting someone, you might as well do it hard.
 
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch on to someone's neck and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I laugh because, what is that thing?   (complements of Jack Handy)
 
Eat me, beat me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fuck me, very slowly.
 
Heck is a place where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
 
Oh, look at me, I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from happy land, in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane...oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.
 
There are not enough letters in the word 'no' to adequately express the no-ness of my answer.
 
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they pushed me too far.
 
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think that we are making progress towards our destination? It's like, "Whew, I thought I was going to be late, but now that I am 9 inches sloser, I can stop for coffee and a biscuit."
 
One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys arose to fight. They turned their backs and faced each other, pulled out their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard their cries, came over and killed those two dead boys. Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
 
 

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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt